Today I am going to tell you about the next session with Linda Dillow. She spoke on intimacy in our marriages. I imagine that some, if not many, of the ladies felt somewhat embarrassed to discuss this topic, but she felt and I feel that this topic is so necessary to maintain strong marriages and to not give Satan a foothold in our marriages. So... get the kids out of the room, pull out your Bibles, and really think about what she said. Randy Pope is our pastor at Perimeter Church. He reminds us over and over to question what is taught; not to accept it as complete truth without researching it and praying about it for yourself. I think everything Linda taught us is biblical, but I think it would be helpful for you to study this for yourself. We as moms and wives, not only affect our own marriages, but also the marriages of our children and their children.
Let's begin..... First, she said to remember that we have heard "echoes of lies from the church, from church history and older women." She gave examples of this ...such as: Women were told in one 1800's Christian book for brides to "Give little, give seldom and give grudgingly". In her book she tells of the church of the 1800's:
Church authorities issued edicts forbidding sex on Thursdays, the day of Christ's arrest; on Fridays, the day of his death; on Saturdays, in honor of the Blessed Virgin; and on Sundays in honor of the departed saints. Wednesdays sometimes made the list too, as did the 40-day fast periods before Easter, Christmas, and Pentecost, and also feast days and days of the Apostles, as well as the days of female impurity. The list escalated until only 44 days a year remained available for marital sex!
Then, she said, I am sure your mothers had lots to say on the subject at which..there was silence..and then, laughter. She said a mother's silence on sex says it is bad and wrong. It is shameful and not to be spoken off. She said our society OVERemphasizes intimacy, so a Christian's tendency is to do the opposite of society...so "I'll deemphasize intimacy". She reminded us this isn't God's will...and then, backed it up with scripture.
She gave 6 reasons God gave us Sex.
1. He allows us to join in creating life- an eternal life (our children who have an eternal soul) .
2. for an intimate oneness. Ephesians 5: 31-33 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. She went on to say that God gives us physical pictures for spiritual truths. I.E. The Church and Christ have oneness/ a man and wife have oneness. Old testament the lamb was killed in the temple as a substitute for our sins/ Jesus died as a substitute for our sins/ through Him we have righteousness.
3. Sex is the gift of knowledge of that person. Genesis 4:1
1Now Adam
knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, "I have gotten a man with the help of the LORD."
4. For Pleasure (She said this reason is given most often in scripture and said it is repeated over and over : In all of the Song of Solomon..as well as Proverbs 5:15- Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well. Proverbs 5:19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be
intoxicated always in her love. (She pointed out that if you are intoxicated- your guard is done, you feel happy, you feel blissful).
5. Comfort is received. 2 Samuel 12:24 Then David
comforted his wife, Bathsheba, and went in to her and lay with her, and
she bore a son, and he called his name
( Solomon. And the LORD loved him
6. Detterent to Sexual sin- sex with spouse. 1 Corinthians 7: 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Then, she said Sex is a gift from God to you. Next you must give yourself a gift, the gift of permission; permission to enjoy this aspect of your marriage. She said too often she hears married women say, "You don't know how bad my sexual past was before marriage", "You don't know what I have done, I don't deserve to enjoy that". She said, they somehow felt they could repay God by not enjoying this. That is a LIE! Romans 8:1
1There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
She took us next to Song of Solomon chapter 5. She shows that God says to feast in "intimacy" in marriage. Song of Solomon 5: 1 b says "Eat,(F) friends, drink,and be drunk with love!"
She said the next gift to be given is the gift we give our husbands: our bodies. 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5(Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. She said for some ladies...because of control issues, abuse issues, or some kind of past trauma, they just can't fully give and complete give themselves to their husbands. She said it is given seldom and grudgingly. She said some believe the lie that they can not be healed from horrible violations that keep the woman from being able to enjoy her husband. She told of one lady, that at 6 months of age, was given to a satanic cult by her own parents to be used in vile ways..by anyone..at any time. This lady got freedom..but it took time.. The lie is there is NO freedom. It just isn't true.
She told us how marriages were strengthened. She told us stories of joy and laughter. She told us that the embarrassment that might be felt would be short lived, but the results of us fighting for our marriages would be long-lived. Now in Steve Brown's words....you think about that!
http://www.lindadillow.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Week-6-Bible-Study-Reflection-Questions.pdf
This link is of some of the Bible Study questions asked in Linda Dillow's book - Intimate Issues.
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