Since September we have been meeting with couples in our home, studying God's word and especially looking at what HE says about marriage. You know, HE says a lot. So, today I want to write a little encouragement to myself and to you. Why? Consider how widely encouragement is urged and reported in scripture: -God to Moses : Encourage Joshua, because he will lead Israel (Deuteronomy 1:38) -Soldiers in the midst of battle" The men of Israel encouraged one another (Judges 20:22). -Joab to Saul before battle- Now go out and encourage your men (2 Samuel 19:7) Josiah to the priests: Josiah appointed the priests to their duties and encouraged them in the service of the LORD's temple (2 Chronicles 35:2) -Paul and Silas to the early church-After Paul and Silas come out of the prison, they went to Lydia's house, where they met with the brothers and encouraged them (Acts 16:40). -Paul to the disciples" When the uproar had ended, Paul sent for the disciples and , after encouraging them, said good-by and set out for Macedonia (Acts 20:1) Also consider a few general exhortations to encouragement. -But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief (Job 16:5). Encourage the oppressed (Isaiah 1:17) -Therefore encourage one another and build each other up just as in fact you are doing ( 1 Thessalonians 5:11) -Let us encourage one another (Hebrews 10:25)
There...I think that is enough to show that we must encourage one another. Today I want to show you what we have been learning in our study group.
Why do I want to encourage you in your marriage? Because marriage is wonderful and marriage is hard. Anything worth having is worth fighting for...and I believe marriages have never been attacked more. Why would marriages be attacked? Well, the Bible opens with a wedding and a home in a garden (Genesis), then it closes with a wedding and the new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven, made read as a bride adorned for her husband (Revelation). And what do we find in the middle of the Bible? We find the greatest of all love songs: The Song of Solomon. A song that from beginning to end extols the beauty of sex according to God. A book that doesn't mention God and doesn't need to, for it is the very expression of all God intended when He made us male and female and brought woman to man. From beginning to end, the Bible is about a divine romance. It opens with the account of a man and woman becoming one flesh. The Old Testament shows us the joy of fidelity and the heart-wrenching pain of adultery. We watch as God takes the Old Testament and paints the picture of His Love affair with Israel.
Your marriage is a covenant. What is a covenant? It is a binding agreement between two parties who commit themselves to each other under certain conditions. A covenant once made is never to be broken. In a covenant relationship (marriage), two become one' they no longer live independently. They are now bound to protect and defend one another, share everything, be there for the other until death. God is the sovereign administrator of every covenant. In Malachi, God calls marriage a covenant and expresses how he hates divorce. So, what do we do?
We look to God's word for answers and then, .....the hard part......we apply those answers.
So, our group started at Genesis 2 and looked at the first marriage. We learned in Genesis 3 that the honeymoon ended when Eve and Adam grew discontented and questioned God's plan and His goodness. They lost their intimacy with God and each other. So what do we learn from this tragic story that will make our marriages stronger? We learn and strive to be content where we are. We don't look for something else to fulfill and we continue to strive to have intimacy with God and each other.
We saw that Woman was created after the man. She was created for the man and she was created because it was not good for man to be alone. She was created as someone especially suitable for man. She was created to be man's helper. This let's you know that God thought man needed a helper, much to man's dismay. :)
From Genesis 2:18-24 we learned that God didn't want man to be alone. He wanted man to have a helper. HE wanted man to leave his parents and to unite to his wife and HE wanted them to become one flesh.
We learned from Proverbs 5:15-19 that physical intimacy is just for each other and that we are suppose to take steps to help our spouses be "ever-captivated" with us. That doesn't mean just physically. That means being kind and considerate. Considering the other better than yourself. Seeing yourselves as one unit, one team. We read in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 to stay physically intimate. The normal God-given sexual drive in humans is very strong. God gave us sex and it isn't right to deprive our spouses of an enjoyment they can only have with us. God could have made us asexual as He made some animals and plants. We were made for relationships, with each other and HIM. This is a part of our relating to one another.
We also discussed "love languages" and testing our spouses to know what their love languages are. Then, once we knew our spouses love language...taking steps to speak their language. (Physical touch, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation) See the youtube video link to learn more.
You can take a quiz to find out your love language at:
We also learned about the word "love". The Bible mentions 4 types of love. 1. Storge, the love of natural affection. 2. Eros, the love of passion. 3. Phileo, the "I really care for you" love. 4 Agape, the love without limit.
Agape love is only possible with the Holy Spirit working within us. (Even then, it isn't present at all times due to our own sin nature). Unconditional love never gives up. It digs in and continues to love despite hardship or disappointment and right in the face of apathy, anger, frustration, and failure. Agape chooses to love, no matter what.
You might say, well ..you don't know my spouse. Well, that is true, but I know every marriage is worth fighting for. If you choose to persevere, your marriage will be stronger and you will be happier. Every marriage will have struggles. If you haven't, you will. So, it is even more important to know His word.
We learned how meaningful rituals and gestures of love can go along way in our marriages. The hello and good-bye kisses, the hugs, the secrets, the jokes between the two of you....all serve to make your relationship more special. We learned that God is our perfect model as He has loved us with an everlasting love and He draws us with His loving kindness (Jeremiah 31:3).
Another motivation for a good marriage is that this is a great gift to our children. Building a strong, stable marriage with our spouses with Christ as the center is the best gift we can give our kids. Our children must know we love our spouses. Our kids need to know that we are available, reachable, touchable, accessible...for them. Let's prepare our kids for healthy, happy marriages.
You are such an encouragement to me. Being married to you is one of the greatest joys of my life. Certainly relationships can be hard, but if it seems easy to me, maybe it is because you are working so hard to make it easy.
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