Lessons learned the first 50 years

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I hit a milestone. I turned 50 years old. I am thankful that I don't feel 50.   I am thankful for things God has taught me throughout those 50 years. .  I have learned that God loves mercy and when I feel a sense that justice needs to happen over mercy, all I need to do is remember that I am thankful for when God gives me mercy instead of a just punishment.   (Micah 6:8 8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.) ( Luke 6: 36  Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. ) I have learned that hurt people end up hurting people.   When I am able to see that I didn't hurt them but I am bearing the results of that persons hurt inflicted by other people, it helps me forgive whatever hurt they pushed onto me and move on.  (Romans 12 : 18  If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. )  I have learned that anyone who thinks they have God
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Vulnerable...

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Vulnerable-
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.
b. Susceptible to attack:


That's how loving feels sometimes.

C.S. Lewis
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
I think he got it.  In order for love to be real, to not guard your heart in a box and for it to waste away, we must be "susceptible to emotional injury"  .   My husband will make me mad, sad, or glad (suddenly I am Dr. Seuss) .  LOL..   I can avoid the bad (and the good) by checking out... and pulling away... nailing myself into that coffin.  What life is there without love?  But love means pain.  So, is it worth it?   I say  an enthusiastic, "Yes."

Tomorrow, John-Michael, my 8 year old son has his annual MRI's to check on the growth of the tumors we know are in his body and to make sure that are no new ones, but we already see new one of his arms and back.  Now, we go to the experts and see if these tumors are fibromas (round, grow in size, but not invasive)..or if they are the dreaded plexi-form fibromas ( grow out..with octopus-like tentacles..grow out..wrap around..grow out wrap around).   How does a mother love a child like that without her heart breaking every day?  How do you not "what if it grows into his spine".. "What if it grows into his heart and he passes away before he is grown".. "what if............................................................."     Some days your heart just breaks into a million pieces.  That is just part of loving.    What do most days look like?  Most days, my friends would say I am happy...and he and his sibling are happy.  Most days are  just like yours... swimming, shopping, errand running, play dates,  ...just doing daily life.  However, there are days like tomorrow..where you sit with the neurosurgeon waiting for him to tell you the reports of   his mri.   
Good has happened.  Here you can read how John-Michael was able to befriend a severely abused horse..
http://www.inhonoroftheking.blogspot.com/2012/03/john-michael-gives-hope-to-trudy.html    
He has taught all of us to give more..take less (I have never seen a child love better).     He is a treasure that I will love without regret!  You must be brave to love through a difficult marriage... to love a friend that hurts you over and over.... to love a child that has medical issues... to love a relative that has let more people down than not....   Vulnerable... It isn't a dirty word. 
This link has a link to his carepage.. 
http://www.inhonoroftheking.blogspot.com/2011/06/from-john-michaels-carepage.html  
OR you can just go to  www.carepages.com       search for his page              johnmichaeldp

Comments

  1. Russell PateJune 27, 2012 at 9:05 AM

    I could not agree more. Very well said.

    ReplyDelete
  2. TracyJune 27, 2012 at 9:58 AM

    Thank you for your honesty, Rachel. You have always shared your heart-another risky move these days. Thanks for the post! :0)

    ReplyDelete
  3. janejarrettJune 28, 2012 at 9:53 AM

    Rachel, Thanks for sharing your heart! Praying for all of you today.

    ReplyDelete

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