Lessons learned the first 50 years

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I hit a milestone. I turned 50 years old. I am thankful that I don't feel 50.   I am thankful for things God has taught me throughout those 50 years. .  I have learned that God loves mercy and when I feel a sense that justice needs to happen over mercy, all I need to do is remember that I am thankful for when God gives me mercy instead of a just punishment.   (Micah 6:8 8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.) ( Luke 6: 36  Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. ) I have learned that hurt people end up hurting people.   When I am able to see that I didn't hurt them but I am bearing the results of that persons hurt inflicted by other people, it helps me forgive whatever hurt they pushed onto me and move on.  (Romans 12 : 18  If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. )  I have learned that anyone who thinks they have God
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Mom's Talk..

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Last night I spoke to around 60 ladies and told my story.  For many years I have spoken on stage to a mixture of children and adults..but not usually about myself. :)   I can tell you it is much more nerve-racking when you are!   Anyway, here is a little from my talk:
Noah at 4
After  6 months of trying to have a baby and not having success,  we went and saw a fertility specialist. …Remember, “Rachel can fix this…”…  It was temporarily successful, as I lost a “healthy baby girl” ..as the geneticist told me… at around 13 weeks.  I was devastated.   I remember crying, sobbing in the closet. Again… questioning God’s goodness…”How could you?”  (Anger…tears… wailing…)  why wouldn’t a loving God do this for me????    Here I was trying my best to be a godly,woman… Why was God still fighting me?  That’s how I felt.   Then, about this time, Noah, my  3 year old seemed to have a never ending case of chicken pox.  After weeks of doctor’s appointments we went BACK to the dermatologist who said he had to biopsy it.   So..I had to hold my 3 year old down while they gave him a numbing shot, cut a “mystery chicken pox” out..and sewed 3-5 stitches into his skin.  The numbing shot really stings..and he cried..and he tried to stay still..and when it was all over, he jumped into my arms and cried.  I had allowed the pain. I held him down as someone hurt him..but my son trusted my goodness and knew I loved him.  God INSTANTLY spoke to my heart…”Rachel, stop running.. stop fighting me..and do what your son is doing.. Run to me.. Trust my goodness..trust my love. Just like you won’t allow more than necessary ..I am not going to do more than necessary”.  That has been over 10 years ago..and I still think of that often.

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