A year after the 9/11 attacks, several of the women widowed as a results of those attacks were asked, “ What has changed most about your perspective in the past year?” One said, “ The thing I can’t stand is when I hear wives complain about their husbands”. The little things we allow to annoy us seem so trivial compared to the blessings we take for granted each day. We all need to look at the big picture and not just isolated incidents that we seem to focus on. We were looking for Prince Charming, but when we find our he is just a regular guy, we are disappointed. James 3:2 says “We ALL stumble in MANY ways”. ..this includes our husbands. Only one perfect man ever walked on this earth, and he never married. That guarantees our disappointment…if we fall into the “prince charming” trap. A regular man will have rough edges. He will have weaknesses. He will sin against you, disappoint you, and frustrate you. That is real life.
BUT….look for the good in your flawed husband…I assure you…someone is watching your husband with adoring eyes. Perhaps your husband is an amazing handyman; some lady notices the built-in he created in one weekend. Perhaps nothing is broken in your house for longer than 2 days; some lady admires his ability to fix anything. Perhaps your husband leads a Bible Study; some lady is wishing her husband was the spiritual leader. Perhaps your husband does all of these things but he doesn’t favor long, soulful talks. Don’t focus on the one or two bad things. No husband comes in a perfect package. We must resist the temptation to compare our husbands’ weaknesses to other husbands ‘ strengths.
Husbands were built to need affirmation. If he doesn’t get it from you, he will find a place to get the affirmation he needs. Don’t drive him to say, “If I can’t please her by trying my hardest, then why should I try at all?” We must remember that your same husband might disappoint you but enthrall another woman. We might see our husbands with tired eyes, while another woman sees him with fresh eyes. Our eyes look at him through frustrated expectations, while the other sees him with unlimited possibilities. What set of eyes are you gazing at your husband with? Keep in mind, you are not the only one looking at him.
Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth Bell Graham, once wrote: I pity the married couple who expect too much from one another. It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her what only Jesus Christ can be: always ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain.
No husband can be all things to you. No husband, by himself, is enough. We still need others, and it is our responsibility to cultivate those other relationships.
Show your husbands respect. You might be surprised by his love for you when you do. Ephesians 5:33 says “The wife must respect her husband”. It doesn’t say wives should respect perfect husbands or even godly husbands. It has no qualifiers. Your husband, because he is a husband, deserves respect.
Marriage constitutes a claim and a commitment. Let’s fight on….for our marriages.
Learning with you,
Rachel
Well said!
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